Despicable Xander
by Manchester
Summary: Our hero learns there can be potential problems at having a flock of enthusiastic Minions waiting to carry out his every whim. Follow-up to 'Disgusted, Not Despicable, Slayer' set in same AU timeline a day later.


Opening the door of her bedroom clothes closet to get a jacket for tonight's patrol, Faith Lehane stopped short at seeing who was sitting tailor-fashion there on the floor of this small walk-in room of this Slayer's quarters at the Cleveland house. What made it even odder for Faith, besides catching him by evident surprise in her damn closet in the first place, was the exceptionally furtive look of guilt now present upon Xander Harris' face as he stared up at the young woman gawking downwards in turn at him.

Faith's astonishment promptly turned into wicked delight at seeing how sheepish Xan was appearing, avoiding eye contact with her while turning brick-red in a honest-to-god blush! Deciding with growing inner glee to take quick advantage of this whole ridiculous situation, the Slayer folded her arms across her chest, shot the man sitting in the closet a sultry look, and purred at him, "Okay, boytoy, if ya wanted to play Peepin' Tom or start some other kinky sex stuff with me tonight, all ya hadda do was _ask!_"

Downstairs in the large house they'd moved into several months ago after the Sunnydale collapse, a half-dozen feminine heads possessing superhuman hearing abruptly turned as one to look upwards at where a certain bedroom was located. These stares then shifted into thoughtful glances shared among all of the former Potentials (and now Slayers) there, who then began to nonchalantly sidle in a single group towards the main stairway.

In the meantime, Xander's face had darkened even further with utter embarrassment. Just when Faith was about to start guffawing at the top of her lungs for getting him good, things became even more interesting. He reached out with one hand, grabbed the woman's lower pants leg, and gave this a hard yank towards himself, all while hissing, "Shut up, Faith! Get inside and close the door before anyone sees us!"

Now beginning to get really curious about just what was going on, Faith gave a graceful shrug and for once in her life, this Boston native did as she'd been told. The Slayer strode into the closet until she was standing right next to Xander in his position on the floor. Once there, she put a hand back and vigorously pulled the closet door shut, resulting in a loud _thud!_ noise from this action. From where she was located in the now pitch-dark closet, Faith's wide grin was unseen as she congratulated herself for using this to cover up the vibrations under this woman's feet from the eager stampede coming their way up the stairs and down the hallway outside.

Glancing up and reaching for the phosphorescent button at the end of the dangling light chain, Faith turned the interior lamp on. She next sat down in the limited space by Xander, forcing them to be face-to-face with their knees rubbing against each other. In a boisterous tone that Faith knew quite well would hide the faint thumps of several sets of ears being pressed flat in unison against the outside of her apartment door, she declared, "Awright, I like the way we're startin' out, Xan! So, what else's gonna be on the menu tonight? Been a while since I fooled around in a closet, but like they say, it's kinda like rememberin' how to ride a bicycle. Speakin' of ridin'-"

"What are-" choked out Xander, his single eye wide in shock as he cut himself off in mid-sentence. He stared in horror at Faith smirking back at him, before beginning a protest which didn't exactly help explain this man's recent actions. "I just thought you'd already left on patrol with the other girls, so I sneaked here into the safest place I could find!"

Faith contemplated that for a few moments. During this, she also listened to the faint creaking of the hallway door of her quarters which was beginning to bulge inwards from the supernatural strength being unconsciously inflicted onto this panel by a pack of snooping Slayers trying to hear what was going on inside there. Playing to her unseen audience, Faith put on her best deadpan and suggested, "Hey, if ya want safe, lock yerself in the bathroom and put the water on at full blast!"

Xander glared at his nearby companion clearly having a great deal of fun over this, and snapped back, "You've got a really horrible mind, you know that?" Continuing to glower at where Faith was happily nodding in agreement, he also added in his grumpiest voice, "The whole reason for this is because of how Buffy acted yesterday when she found that Minion in her shoe closet!"

"_What?!_ blurted out Faith, matching the confused mutters also being made out in the hallway.

This time Xander firmly nodded, reminding the other Scooby there, "Getting chased out of the house at the point of her favorite sword really impressed him and his little pals! As long as Gru and the girls are away at Lake Erie, none of the Minions will dare to show up here at any room of what they call the 'madmadmadlady.' That's why after I put them to bed for the night, I came home by the back way and found a private spot for what I've been dying to do all day. Look, if you'd been around, I'd have asked your permission first!"

Now totally baffled, Faith cautiously ventured, "And that'd be for…?"

Going back to his previous furtiveness, Xander cast a wary glance around at the close confines of the closet. Then, he dug into his front pants pocket and pulled out what was there, next showing it to an astonished Faith.

"Where'd ya get that?" she exclaimed. "I thought they wasn't gonna start makin' 'em again for a coupla more weeks."

Xander shrugged, "It's the last of my stash. I've been holding it safe until like you said, these came back. But now that it's going to happen, I was planning to finish it off this weekend. Except, our next-door neighbor spoiled that by asking me to look after the Minions for the weekend. You know, those cute little cylindrical guys in bright yellow who look _exactly_ like my favorite snack food! How could I possibly eat a Twinkie in front of them without the Minions thinking I was some sort of monster who wants to gobble all of them up at the first chance-"

The man wearing an eyepatch stopped talking to instead glare at where Faith was howling with laughter. Xander's irked mood didn't improve any at also hearing the noisy merriment drifting through two sets of doors. He snarled at where Faith sat holding her ribs, "The girls are listening outside there, aren't they?"

Brushing away tears of delight, Faith sent Xander a confirming ear-to-ear grin.

"Fine," grumped Xander. This Sunnydale native haughtily tore off the wrapper of the Twinkie he was holding, stuffed entirely this snack cake into his mouth, and started chomping away at the dessert. Faith continued to giggle throughout it all, until a loud gulp came from where Xander had obviously swallowed. Without any warning, Faith next reached out with both hands to press these against the side of a startled Xander's head, holding him firmly in place. Next, the Slayer leaned forwards to give someone she'd come to care for very much a loud, smacking kiss right on the lips.

Returning to her former position, Faith beamed at the shocked man and she spoke loudly for both him and the others outside in the hallway, "You're a good dude, Xan. 'Sides, I wasn't gonna pass up this chance anyways, ya an' me alone together in a closet, no matter whatever nutty reason for havin' a fine time like this!"


End file.
